How to let go of your attachment when you can't let someone go - Tiny Buddha (2023)

How to let go of your attachment when you can't let someone go - Tiny Buddha (1)

I'll be honest here, I can honestly say I've never had any ties to any person, place or thing - that is, until recently. This cord paralyzed me and broke me down to the point where I questioned who I was and my own personal strength.

I think before I tell my story it's important to know what exactly a bonding strand is and how it can hurt you. A lot.

Then I'll explain why cutting line is not very effective and what you need to do instead.

What is a binding cord?

People come and go in our lives all the time. Some are blessings, some are lessons. The latter come to teach us things about ourselves. They help us dig deep and heal old ugly wounds that we have buried for years.

Some people stay and some go.

However, some of those who leave us leave their mark. A deep sign. A string, if you will. Whatever the reason, we just can't let these people go. We think about them all the time, cry about them and are borderline addicted to them. For most of us, this is a former lover.

are you here with me can you feel me

This is a binding cord. This person has left such an enormous impact on our lives and we just can't let go. It does not matterif that person was toxicor not, the cord is firmly entrenched and we are fully connected.

My story

In 2015 I moved to Guatemala from Canada and fell in love with the country and the people. I decided that I would stay for the long term. This was my new home.

In the small town I lived in, the dating scene was almost non-existent. And then, in my sophomore year, a new guy from the US showed up in town. He was tall, dark and handsome and fun to be with. Wedatedover a year and then returned to the United States.

We stayed in touch (and still are in touch almost daily) and traded our romantic relationship for friendship. Sounds easy enough to do right? Incorrect.

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I agreed to be his friend, even though Isecretly wish we could be more, I knew it would never happen. We were so irreconcilable in a million ways, despite the fact that we actually got along well. We just shouldn't be.

But I couldn't let go. I was addicted to him. All of him. I was so ridiculously attached to him that it was borderline for me.

After a year he moved back to Guatemala and I knew it was going to be difficult for me. We weren't together anymore, he could see whoever he wanted. I knew I couldn't face seeing it or finding out that he was dating another woman.

So I did the only thing I knew would help me. I left the country and moved to Mexico to heal and be away from him. The bond I had with him was so strong it was killing me.

I started my healing journey in Mexico.

Some would say I ran away from my problems. It may seem so. I ran away to save my soul and my heart. It was something I had to do. I also knew I had to cut that cord once and for all.

Guided meditations just didn't work

I've tried listening to guided umbilical cord cutting meditations and while they seemed to make me feel better, they were temporary solutions. plasters, if you will.

I kept a daily diary. I made lists of all the things I wanted in a man and a list of all the reasons "John" wasn't good for me.

I wrote, I cried, I called friends to talk to them, cried some more, listenedmeditationsAt night, but nothing seemed to work. I just couldn't cut that cord and it was emotionally draining.

And then something dawned on me.

Why cutting cords doesn't work

Every time I did a guided meditation, the cord snapped and I felt fine for a day or two, then I was right back where I started. Clingy, addicted and unhappy.

I realized that it was a temporary fix and the wound went much deeper. I realized I had to fix myself at the root.

(Video) When to attach and when to let go? | by Ajahn Brahm | 17 March 2015

Not only that, I also realized that I needed to not only cut that cord, but completely obliterate it right at its root.

I had to find out where this attachment came from, what my deep wound really was, heal that, and destroy the root.

String cutting just helps you break free in the moment, in the present. It doesn't take away the pain and aches. We have to work on that. Find out what it is, where it came from and heal it completely.

where my pain comes from

I discovered that my pain and deep wound comes from achildhood of abuseand never be loved. I gave myself and my love to anyone who gave me any kind of attention. My longing to be loved so much was destroying me in so many ways.

And I had no idea.

"John" filled so many gaps for me, no matter how toxic our relationship was at times, and I held on to it. He treated me well, put me on a pedestal and gave me all the attention I've craved all my life.

I didn't want to let go. It felt so damn good.

But it wasn't good. It was toxic to me and broke me every day.

I reached out to a therapist friend of mine because I urgently needed to speak to someone who could help me with this. I knew I had to heal, and fast. But I honestly didn't know how.

She helped me to sift through all my childhood traumas and the patterns I followed in my adult life. She helped me see the cable for what it really was.

The cable I created and why cutting just doesn't work

I created this cord myself because I need love, attention and affection. The item at the other end of the string made me feel good. Filled a dark lonely hole in my heart.

I had to learn to love and appreciate myself again for exactly who I am. I had to remind myself that I don't need someone to fill in my gaps and that it was up to me to do it.

(Video) Guaranteed Way to Emotionally Detach! (Highly Requested) || Sadhguru Answers || TGS

I also had to learn to destroy that cord, not just cut it.

When you cut cords, the roots are still connected to your soul and provide a chance for the cord to grow back. Think of how you cut down a dying plant and then new shoots and leaves will form. We cut off the dead to make room for new growth.

It works the same with a string of ties to a person. We can keep cutting the string, but eventually the leaves will branch again and form new shoots.

For this reason we must completely destroy the cord, straight from the root.

How to destroy your binding cord

You must first heal from the wound caused by this cord. Find out what still hurts you and shows itself in the form of other people.

Was it something from your childhood, high school, or an old boss? Dig deep and pull out that pain, look at it, and then do what you have to do to heal it.

That's going to take time. How much time is up to you.

As you heal, you'll have to deal with that cord that's still sticking out of your chest. This is part of your healing journey.

Instead of cutting it, you have to pull it completely out of your chest and imagine burning the root. When the full root has been pulled, seal the wound in your chest with the finest material imaginable.

I use rose gold.

Journaling is important

Write down your feelings. It's so important to write down how you're feeling. Too often we keep all our pain locked away so no one can see.

But this is not effective and hurts you more than you think. Write all that shit down and get it off your chest, off your heart, on paper and then burn it and let it go. Thank me later!

(Video) Instead of Attachment | Ajahn Brahm | 04-03-2011

So many of us have so much healing to do, but healing is a long, hard, and somewhat ugly journey. If we never heal, the same patterns will repeat in our lives and we will never be truly free or happy.

Do yourself a favor, heal.

I began my healing journey in 2012, and while I've come an awfully long way since leaving my abusive relationship back then, I'm still constantly learning about myself, healing, and growing.

It is an endless journey, exhausting and beautiful at the same time.

If the ghosts of your past still haunt you, I want you to know that you don't have to be anymore. You can be free from them all. Commit yourself to begin a healing journey.

You are so worth it!

One year later

I will not say that my healing journey is over, but I can say that my binding cord no longer exists. I am now attached to myself and how much I love and respect myself. I still have a long way to go, but I am ready to return to Guatemala, where my heart truly beats: with the people, the culture, the freedom and the land.

"John" and I still speak almost every day, but I see him in a very different light now. I can safely say that I see him as my friend. No more, no less. And I'm absolutely satisfied with that.

How to let go of your attachment when you can't let someone go - Tiny Buddha (2)

OneIva Ursan

Iva is a self-help blogger from Ontario, Canada, now based in Guatemala. Her two goals in life are to inspire people around the world with her blogs and to feed hungry little bellies in the poor city she calls home.Sign up weeklyGet inspiration here or check out her self-help eBooksYou are amazing.your new course"The 21 Day Challenge"is now available. Use coupon code TINYBUDDHA for $60 off!!

(Video) Letting Go Technique Explained in 5 Easy Steps (MUST TRY) | David Hawkins

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1. Philosophy for Breakups | BUDDHISM
2. Alan Watts ~ Let Go Of Attachment ~ featuring U.G. Krishnamurti/Terence McKenna
3. Ram Dass - Addiction and Attachment
(Baba Ram Dass)
4. Alan Watts ~ The Power Of Releasing Control
5. The Power Of Letting Go - How To Overcome Clinginess, Attachment, OCD
6. How Can I Avoid Becoming So Attached | Eckhart Tolle Teachings
(Eckhart Tolle)


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